


Of Oranges and The English Countryside

by Zekkass



Category: Jeeves and Wooster
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 22:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zekkass/pseuds/Zekkass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertram Wooster discovers drawing, Jeeves suggests a countryside trip for better drawing subjects, and unpleasantness occurs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Oranges and The English Countryside

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ivy03 (ivyfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyfic/gifts).



> Many thanks to my friend and beta for her help, and yes, the use of Bertram instead of Bertie is intentional.
> 
> 1,552 words in total.

Bertram Wooster absolutely hated oranges. Bananas and apples were awful as well, but it was the oranges that got to him.

 

Oranges have a dimply texture that is difficult to draw, and shading an orange is an altogether impossible task.

 

That was why Bertram Wooster absolutely despised oranges. Never mind that the time of year was correct for providing plenty of tasty oranges - Bertram Wooster was willing to never taste an orange again, just as long as he never had to draw one again.

 

"Jeeves," Bertram Wooster said, "I cannot bear to see another orange as long as I live."

 

His valet, the remarkable Jeeves, looked up from repositioning the vase on the end table. "Sir?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

 

"I want to be rid of oranges, Jeeves. They've bally well driven me to cringe at the color orange, and I cannot abide that! Not with the fall season approaching, and then there will be orange any way I turn."

 

"I see, sir," Jeeves said, straightening and putting his hands behind his back, eyes drifting up as they customarily did when Jeeves was about to make a suggestion. "I hear the countryside is pleasant this time of year, if one is interested in using it as reference for artwork."

 

Bertram turned his full attention to Jeeves, remembering that the English countryside did not grow oranges - or, at least, they weren't commonly found growing in English gardens, so he would not run into any errant oranges in the wild.

 

"That's a marvelous idea, Jeeves, if I do say so myself. When will we be ready to go?"

 

"Within the hour, sir," Jeeves said, and at Bertram's pleased grin and wave of the hand he drifted off towards the bedrooms to pack.

 

Bertram's smiled grew strained as his gaze returned to his drawing, and he quickly turned the page in the sketchbook. There would be other drawings, and there would be fewer oranges to tackle, once he was out of the house.

 

Of that he was sure.

\---

Jeeves had the car purring along, and they were out of the metropolis before Bertram had decided to ask Jeeves about a question that had been nagging him.

 

"Say, Jeeves? I don't know if this is permitted or whatnot, but what d'you think of me drawing you? That is, a portrait? If that wouldn't be too much of a trouble?"

 

If Bertram had been looking at Jeeves' hands, he would have seen them tense on the wheel.

 

"I would think not, sir."

 

Bertram blinked, and had to ask. "Is there something in your club rules against it, then?"

 

"No, sir. It is my personal preference."

 

"Ah. Well then."

 

"What subjects were you hoping to draw once we arrived, sir?" Jeeves asked, successfully detouring the conversation as Bertram promptly waffled on about squirrels and plants. That held the rest of the car ride.

\---

Once they had arrived at the lodge Jeeves had arranged, and after Jeeves had seen to unpacking for the week, Bertram decided to immediately set out for a walk, in search of some subject he could attempt to draw.

 

"While the greenery I can see from my window is all very nice, it adds a certain air when you're out of sight of buildings, Jeeves," said Bertram, stepping around another log. "I can't say much for trying to walk through it, though."

 

Jeeves was holding Bertram's pad of paper and a small bag of pencils, and yet he was still able to move through the woods without making a noise. It occurred to Bertram that Jeeves would be a marvelous hunter, but in Bertram's humble opinion, Jeeves could be a marvelous anything, if he put his mind to it.

 

"Be careful, sir, there is a creek ahead."

 

"Ah, so there is!" Bertram stopped, brightening. "I'll have my paper, then, and a fresh pencil. This seems like the spot to apply lead to the tree, I think."

 

Jeeves silently handed over the tools, not commenting on the fact that lead had not been used in standard pencils for at least five hundred years.

 

For the next several minutes Bertram sketched, occasionally asking Jeeves to move a leaf that had drifted down the stream, or for a new pencil. Jeeves was mostly left to his thoughts, and all was peaceful, up until they were interrupted by a series of barks and growls.

 

Bertram didn't notice at all, intent on his drawing, but Jeeves looked towards the sounds, immediately attempting to discern where they were coming frown, and why.

 

He moved closer to Bertram, ready to tell him that they needed to leave, and soon, but there suddenly was a bright pain in his side, and blood on his trousers.

 

The dog was still growling at him, still biting his leg, and Jeeves let out a faint sound. It was not often that he was surprised, but this animal had succeeded. Jeeves was unable to act for several minutes, and yet he still took in the crazed look in the dog's eyes and the infected wound the dog had on its back.

 

"Sir - !" Jeeves finally said, and Bertram turned, voice already irritated at being interrupted.

 

"What is it, Jeev- oh. Hey! Get away from him!" Bertram stood, approaching Jeeves, an even more dangerous move. The dog's attention shifted, and Jeeves forced himself not to faint when the dog let go of his leg.

 

"Hold still, sir," Jeeves said, gritting his teeth immediately afterwords. He wanted to tell Bertram more, but he could see the dog tensing, readying itself to lunge, and there was no time.

 

Bertram was too close, and in danger.

 

The dog lunged, teeth bared, and Jeeves kicked its side with his good leg. It hurt, excruciatingly so, but the dog whirled and bit him, and not Bertram.

 

Jeeves immediately jammed his fingers into the dog's eye. He could not faint here. He would not. Not until he was sure Bertram was safe.

 

The dog only tightened its hold on Jeeves' leg in response, and Jeeves felt his body preparing to shut down in response to the pain.

 

Then Bertram slammed a stick down onto the dog's back, hitting its open wound. The dog immediately let go to yelp and collapse, obviously in pain.

 

"Off with you!" Bertram exclaimed, hitting the dog again, and it ran, staggering off. Bertram turned, immediately dropping the stick and catching Jeeves.

 

"Sir...I'm afraid I need a doctor.." Jeeves murmured, looking at his bleeding legs. "I doubt I can walk."

 

"Then stay here - I'll get help, Jeeves. Stay put, and keep my stick in case it comes back." Bertram helped seat Jeeves and handed him the stick before running off, but Jeeves saw the panic in his eyes before he ran off.

\---

Bertram returned barely twenty minutes later with help, and soon Jeeves was back in the lodge, bandaged and sleeping.

 

Bertram told the doctor what happened, then spent the next hour sitting next to Jeeves, waiting for him to wake up.

 

When Jeeves did wake up, Bertram assured him that he would be alright, and that he had told the doctor what had happened.

 

"Thank you, sir," Jeeves said, wincing. "I apologize, sir."

 

"Good heavens! Why, Jeeves?" Bertram said, surprised.

 

"I suggested that we come out here, sir." Jeeves said, obviously expecting Bertram to agree.

 

"No, Jeeves. That's pure folly. It's my fault. I took us for that walk, and I picked that stream. It's my fault."

 

"No, sir. No." Jeeves said, shaking his head. "It was not your fault."

 

"And it wasn't yours, then. Please rest, Jeeves. I can draw from a window, after all."

 

Jeeves nodded, closing his eyes again. "Very good, sir." He drifted off, and Bertram sat there, quietly. He did want to draw, but the window wouldn't work.

 

He paused, then looked at Jeeves' sleeping face again. Jeeves had said that he didn't want to be drawn, but this was entirely too tempting. Jeeves didn't need to see it, after all.

 

Bertram paused again, then took his papers and pencil. It couldn't hurt, after all.

 

Soon he was busy sketching Jeeves, and carefully darkening pencil lines.

\---

"I'm ready to go back to the Metrop., Jeeves. It's far too green out here. The squirrels are getting to me."

 

Jeeves looked up at Bertram from his book, eyebrows up.

 

"Yes, it's time to go home, Jeeves. If you're ready to travel, that is."

 

"I am, sir, provided that the ride is gentle." Jeeves said, closing his book.

 

"Then we're set, Jeeves. We'll depart in the hour."

 

"Very good, sir."

 

Bertram nodded, hoping that there would be peace in London. They needed it, certainly.

 

There was a moment of silence, and then Jeeves looked at Bertram.

 

"You chased off that dog, sir. Thank you."

 

"You saved me from a nasty bite, Jeeves. Thank you." Bertram returned, smiling.

 

Jeeves lifted his lips slightly, giving Bertram as much of a smile as he ever showed. "Thank you." He paused. "Sir, if you truly wish to, you may use me as a model. Once we have returned to London."

 

Bertram blinked, then grinned. "Excellent, Jeeves! Just promise me one thing."

 

"Oh?"

 

"You're not going to model with any oranges, are you?"

 

"I most assuredly will not, sir," said Jeeves, and Bertram heard amusement in his tone.


End file.
